It's very sweet and endearing. I can see it being the middle of something. The only problem is that there's no clear establishment of the character's ages. I kept vacillating between the girls being older than Daniel, the girls being the same age as Daniel, all of the kids being younger, and all of the kids being on the brink of being teenagers... It's the dialogue at war with the descriptions of the actions.
If it's the middle of something, it's probably not a problem, as stuff like that would be established earlier.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-09-09 11:55 am (UTC)If it's the middle of something, it's probably not a problem, as stuff like that would be established earlier.